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Delphi

near imbolc

~ the time when all is grey and dark, glooming and desolate

and one can only search for little shards of greenery, of light and brightness, to hold a beacon of hope for the growth of all things to return, soon ~

( you are being watched  ~ you are the one watching) 

when everything is still wet and

moist

from the winter-time

and the coldness has entrenched

itself so deeply 

into your bones

that a spark in you longs

for the warmth

dreams

of the colour

returning

yearns

for the blooming

of the cherry-

blossom

just to reach a sense

of lightness

again

just to unearth

the hidden

warmth

your body so knows

and holds

and has long since forgotten

each ray of sun-

light

seeps into a pore 

of yours

lingering 

longingly

for more

until the cloud returns

teasing you

it is not spring-time yet

spring is a tease

with patience she will reveal

herself

to you

and you will enjoy each sliver

of pleasure

she provides

you will writhe with joy

as she 

strip-teases

off

her winter garb

slowly

you will ooze

with anticipation

let not your

desire

for her embrace

entrance you

for you are still in the time

of darkness

so be with it

be with the shadows 

be still
and still,

you linger there

still journeying 

through

the underworld

you have not come out yet

just wait

patience,
love,
spring is coming.

the dream

from "the dream that must be interpreted"
by rumi

...
"a man goes to sleep in the town
where he has always lived, and he dreams he's living
in another town.

in the dream, he doesn't remember
the town he's sleeping in his bed in. he believes
the reality of the dream town.

the world is that kind of sleep.

the dust of many crumbled cities
settles over us like a forgetful doze,
but we are older than those cities.

we began as a mineral. we emerged into plant life
and into the animal state, and then into being human.
and always we have forgotten our former states,
except in early spring when we slightly recall
being green again.

that's how a young person leans toward a teacher. that's how a baby
leans toward the breast, without knowing the secret
of its desire, yet turning instinctively.

humankind is being led along an evolving course,
through this migration of intelligence,
and though we seem to be sleeping,
there is an inner wakefulness
that directs the dream,

and that will eventually startle us back
to the truth of who we are. "

Printemps en France

I spent a spontaneous spring in France and a little bit of Belgium this year.
There was a somewhat karmic plane ticket that was purchased by my Dad as a throwaway from a flight to Greece last summer. I wasn't planning to go but at the last minute I felt the chaos of the universe moving through my body and before my body could catch up with the flow of life I found myself on a plane to Paris.
I must say it was spontaneous, and since it was so I was at a loss for where to stay in Paris. I ended up at the ISKCON temple in Sarcelles.
It was a riveting experience which I admit I am still processing
And I will just say that I wound up out of it grateful to be exactly who I am, and grateful for life, and my life. Grateful to be.
Apres ca, je suis visité ma tante Cecile et son partenaire Ray à Normandie, dans la paysage. Avec leurs deux chats.
Woven into a journey through the refugee camps in Calais, camps where I volunteered in a community kitchen, camps that were burned to ashes two weeks after I stepped foot in them.
Found sanctuary in friends and beautiful wooden apartments with square skylight windows and city gardens in Belgium.
Found cleansing and healing and discipline in a Sivananda ashram in the Loire valley, found sacred places with ancient ties to Jeanne D'arc in Orleans.
Through a journey south, into a healing sanctuary for lost damaged beings such as I who wish to put their hands into the earth and into contributing to something good and beautiful. Rana became a dear sister to me as I worked with her on her land where she is creating art and healing space and growing vegetables and herbs.
Deeper into the Pyrenees I traveled shortly to feel deeply the high altitude and fresh cool air. Blessed with a quiet home-stay in the high mountain ranges. Pulled in different directions I felt but settled and satisfied.
Then home pulled and was planned,
And back to my West Coast nest of trees and seas I find myself, trying to cultivate life and healthy routine once again. What a whirlwind.
Thank you life for all the blessings and lessons and twists and turns. I promise I will be good to you and give back.
thank you thank you thank you
(Some moments of this life, it becomes very apparent that life is actually a dream. this episode was a clear vision of that.)

“To go in the dark with a light is to know the light.

To know the dark, go dark. Go without sight,

and find that the dark, too, blooms and sings,

and is traveled by dark feet and dark wings.

–Wendell Berry

winds

the winds have changed
a gust comes in
and the sky reveals
what was hidden.
head throbs.
heart pounds.
as the clouds roll over
a haze rolls in around my eyes.

suddenly i become numb

and full of pain

all at once.

open

i'd thought i'd open my heart
completely this time
to the gust of love
carried through the wind
through my body
i thought i'd rip apart
the chains
that keep me locked
down
only to love myself
and the holy earth.
i would have liked to offer
those chains
to earth herself,
to she who lies behind the vines
wrapped around my thighs
preventing me from flying.
"i am keeping you safe"
she whispers,
but will we not always be safe
when carried by love?
for then it is not only
earthly forces
that hold us,
but those, too, from above?
the angels say yes
the stars say of course
but to feel them with us
our faith must not waver -
a heart to heaven
is a brave one
and is never just one.

to have that faith
in another
heavenly body
a star,
that the fire between you
will light the way through the dark,
yet a fire always dims, never lasts.
even to hold torch to torch
for a moment
burns brighter
than not at all.

you know you can dive,
next time,
and you will be carried
by your wings.
we, above, will hold you.

"no one is around
but we will always love you."